So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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