1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
