We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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