Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
