everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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