all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
