My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
