You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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