i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
