Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
