Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He better not be in your backpack
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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