i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
