Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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