we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
