I will die if light touches me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
