Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
