my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
