Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
