I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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