Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
