eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
