i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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