butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
