I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
