So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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