What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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