Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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