Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
