areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
