Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize