If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
