Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
