Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize