I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
