Porn is love you can see.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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