just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
