What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
