I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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