i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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