btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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