my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
