It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
