My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
