Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
