just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
