Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
