Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
