I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i believe in u and ur pee
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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