no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
