Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
