So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize