I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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