every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wear drunk well.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
