Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
