we're chasing vodka with high fives
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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