perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize