i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
