please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
