My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
