happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
