she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
