Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
