you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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