so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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