WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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