This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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