Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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