I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
