you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
