4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
