Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
