Your favorite bartender is back from prision
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
