We won't sleep together?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
