Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that's an acceptable place to lick
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
