He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
