I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
