I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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