I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
