I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize