Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
