omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
