hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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