well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
