Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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