Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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