tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
