he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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