How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
