It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
