ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
