he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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