Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
