atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
