god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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