Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
