My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
