he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
