Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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