you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
