Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if only i could text you this smell
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pants are for mortals
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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