Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my being single is dangerous.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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