Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
