Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
