well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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