she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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